ADDITIONAL SAMPLE CHAPTER FOR
STORYLINE #2
(CHAPTER 24)
LOVE NOT ACCEPTED
Lest
one get the wrong impression of Albert's, it must be said that the place
had an aesthetic appeal and even a beauty all its own. In fact, many of
its patrons had done their part to help decorate the restaurant. The
walls, if not festooned, were certainly covered with paintings and
pictures of the numerous people who had been a part of Albert's over the
years. It was not a gallery by any means, but Albert usually permitted the
clientele to display their art work. Some of the pieces were intended to
honor Albert's: a neo-impressionistic rendering of Albert himself; photos
from around the world taken of a customer wearing the Albert's T-shirt;
and a highly characterized depiction of something off the menu. Foremost
of them all, however, was the mural painting that graced the entire
outside wall above the entrance. It was one of Greg's creations, born
through a fit of inspiration and crafted over several weeks of
unrestrained expression.
Greg had traveled to Alaska one summer several
years before, and, while he worked on a fishing boat, he immersed himself
in the natural wonders and heavenly vistas that seemed to surround his
very soul. He used his spare moments to paint the manifestations of energy
that bedazzled his spirit and altered his inner consciousness. When he
returned that fall, nothing was the same for him.
Organized society possessed no meaning for
Greg, and his defiance of the conventional routine of everyday life sprung
from the metaphysical catharsis that he had experienced in the North. The
mural was a vivid expression of the brazen but endearing energy that
roared inside of him. He was the tranquil yet passionate artist-warrior
whose love of life, despite its multitude of imperfections, was vibrantly
and unmistakably conveyed in the conciliatory and joyful element found in
his work. Greg yearned for a comprehensive spiritual awakening and
acquiescence amidst the economic din and cacophonous conflict of society.
His talent, which he attributed to an ethereal inspiration, displayed an
anguished sensitivity as well as an unrelenting intensity.
Greg did not strive for some aura of
self-aggrandizing mysticism achieved through supposed esoteric means. His
quest, rather, was a heartfelt and purposeful attempt to fathom his
destiny through an unrestrained participation in the adventures of life.
More than an ideological pursuit, Greg's calling was his search for the
divine, and he longed to experience it on the mortal plane. His art,
studies, and philosophical ramblings were the elemental fabric of his
mission. As much as he shared of himself within the eclectic and
intellectual incubator which was Albert's, invariably his attention and
passion drifted quickly beyond the confines of its four walls. His
presence amongst the others, then, was a reflection of their friendship,
and a periodic sojourn through their communal energies. And so it was in
Albert's that Greg joined the others for another round of discussion.
"Emotion has got to be the most elusive
element of our lives," stated Matt. "When I think about emotion
in general, I often like to examine its similarities with belief. Both
defy logic and reason, and neither need contextual support from reality to
attain their existence. They possess an immense and inscrutable power
which, at times, captivates and enraptures all of us. All too frequently,
their meaning is lost or hidden in layers of imagination and spiritual
conundrums. In the end, I think it is safe to say that both emotion and
belief are so highly subjective that, within their realm, purpose and
experience cannot be completely conveyed. Yet given that comparison as a
basic foundation, I'd like to focus my attention on love which
simultaneously exists as an emotion and a type of belief."
"We must believe in love in order to
experience it, yet, quite possibly, none of us really understand or trust
fully in this emotion. It's relatively easy to convince ourselves that
love will energize our minds and spirits with a seemingly limitless power.
We augment this perspective by supposing that love is vital to everyone;
that it is, in fact, a life-sustaining force. And the intensity is
increased by the addictive cravings that we develop once we surmise that
love is indispensable."
"What a vicarious and narcissistic rush it
is, that thrills us, when we think that we recognize something in another
person to which we believe we can relate intimately. It's never just a
carnal urge or momentary appreciation of beauty that ennobles us. Rather,
it's an instinctive signal that causes us to conclude that we've
encountered someone who will have a significant impact in our lives."
"Suddenly everything seems to come into
focus, and we experience a certain timeless sensation during which we
fixate on another person. Their essence seems to overpower us, and every
detail of their physicality is accentuated with a vividness which
intoxicates us. We are overwhelmed by their presence and convinced that we
must commune with their spirit. A certain bodily magnetism touches and
rivets us, heightening our amorous desires. We are energized by a
singleness of purpose and motivated to levels of previously unknown
creativity, vigor, and passion that emerge from inside of us and seem to
possess an eternal quality."
"However, soon we become preoccupied, and
sometimes obsessed, with the need for external recognition; we strive to
confirm the existence of a certain equilibrium of energy and emotion
through which we will be able to obtain the love that we so desperately
want to experience. We precariously enter a realm of vulnerability in
which our sense of self-worth and our interpretation of meaning become
partially or comprehensively dependent on the assessment of the person who
is rapidly becoming the personification of our ideal and romantic
perceptions. We risk dismissing, or completely suppressing, our own
ability to subjectively evaluate ourselves in order to receive what we are
convinced would be an ultimate declaration of value and
justification."
"It's when we first experience an
affirmation or rejection that we begin our foray into a state of confused
and warped perspectives. Our reactions manifest themselves along a
seemingly endless spectrum: we perceive and accept a diminished notion of
ourselves; we redouble our efforts, optimistically believing that a
positive outcome is in reach; we bask in the glory of an exaggerated
amplification of our habitual traits; or perhaps we develop an urgent and
limitless need for further interaction and reciprocation. Regardless of
the content of our emotional state, gradually a symbiosis between love and
belief is constructed in our minds which affects nearly every subsequent
action and thought."
"Our perception of our environment becomes
poignantly symbolic and ubiquitously romantic as we focus both our
conscious thought and subconscious energy on a deepening of the experience
of love. The external and omnipresent sources of artistic as well as
commercialized expressions of romance bring context and flavor to the
emotional sphere in which we've placed ourselves. We struggle to retain a
division between our own sensual feelings, and the contrived romantic
offerings that pervade our culture."
"A fundamental yet profound connection
takes shape within us between our reservoirs of emotion and veracity,
resulting in a correlative and inversely proportional presumption of
destiny: the greater the perceived need for love, the more fervent the
belief in love. Subsequently, our belief creates an all-inclusive and
illusory set of assumptions about the human need for love. Yet as with all
modes of belief, the multitude and varied realities that we experience
reveal the frailties of a misguided imagination and unrestrained
emotion."
"We see that our belief is contextual;
versatile in its ability to mutate and adapt to a wide range of
situations. We become caught between transformations from one positive
extreme to its opposite negative catastrophe, impairing our ability to
discern and judge, and obscuring our internal foundation of values. In the
end, if we can reemerge from our self-constructed state of emotional
irrationality, we can only conclude that love is like all other qualities
of life in that it is selective and selected, not universally obligatory
and vital. Perhaps, too, there are limits to the extent and capability
that each of us possesses to experience love, and, in this way, we engage
ourselves in an uncontrollable and inequitable morass of emotional
turmoil."
"While I won't contest your assertion that
love is not a universal need," replied Tim, "I will maintain
that it is uniformly elemental as part of the human experience. Even the
act of rejecting or scorning love is an inclusive reaction to its
existence. Yet perhaps the level of individual awareness determines the
extent of need. In other words, some people are cognizant of their need
and act based on that recognition, and other people never understand nor
discover either the subjective or objective influence of love."
"For many, survival and its essential
elements such as food, shelter, and clothing are the focus of all their
energy. In such a case where mortality is always under severe pressure,
the emotion of love can be neglected and undernourished. Desperate
circumstances like these may not alleviate or eliminate the necessity, but
quite possibly they subsume and overwhelm the pursuit of love."
"Others become separated from love because
of painful or traumatic experiences. Often, as a result, they are never
able to rehabilitate themselves or reestablish harmony with that emotion.
When negativity and psychological damage become the parameters of the
perception of love, the entire behavioral substructure is destabilized and
perhaps even poisoned. Such circumstances can be overcome, though, because
there is not one standard for love; the emotion is entirely subjective in
essence. Generally speaking, then, our environment shapes many of our
needs and tendencies, but our internal spiritual configuration obviously
plays a prevalent role in affecting our emotional status."
"For many of us, the family exists as the
realm within which we impartially receive and instinctively seek love. In
most cases, this initial encounter with emotion is something that we
cannot critically judge or decipher at first, but it can determine both
the nature and related elements of our sequential as well as overall
emotional future. Usually we are captivated and acquiesce to whatever
emotional energy is directed towards us. Gradually we establish a standard
by which we are able to delineate the many kinds of love that occur within
our lives. For those fortunate ones amongst us, the primary love that we
experience in our families is both positive and supportive. For others who
suffer through emotional hardships or abusive situations, future
interaction with people can be hindered if not sabotaged. When our needs
are not fulfilled within the family, we often look elsewhere, and this
insufficiency of familial love can become a long-term negative."
"Love is intrinsically negative and
inevitably injurious," Nick stated as the discussion shifted his way.
"The emotional vicissitudes that we experience through love are
similar to the fantastic highs and cataclysmic lows that are brought on by
drugs - none have a functional or justifiable place in conventional
reality."
"Yet the most pernicious and futile aspect
of love is the concept that humans attempt to relate through
vulnerability; a notion that thwarts every instinct of self-preservation
that we possess. By exposing ourselves emotionally and physically in order
to give or receive love, we become susceptible to the potentially
destructive power of our lovers. This is the most basic reason why we
struggle and perhaps in the end fail to make love a positive part of our
lives."
"Loving another person is the external
expression of our hope for the reciprocated creation of self-esteem and
self-love. Based on these elements, we are able to establish a level of
self-acceptance which engenders the belief that our life and individual
character have meaning. When we learn to assign value to our own
existence, we enter a state of self-realization. Love with another acts as
a potential catalyst in this development because a love relationship
provides external recognition and approval which many of us covet in order
to inspire the movement towards self-realization."
"Yet this is when we perilously fall
victim to the deleterious contradiction in love because we mistakenly
connect the external positive assessment as the foundation from which we
can attain self-acceptance. Instead of actually finding worth by
understanding and accepting our inner selves, we soon develop a dependency
on external recognition which weakens us through our concurrent
vulnerability. Ironically, the addiction for approval from others that we
suffer through can cause us to discard the standards that are crucial to
our internal spirit."
"Mutually supportive love is so difficult
to achieve because we are tempted to use the power that is derived when
another is vulnerable before us. The only possibility is a process of
sharing based on mutual respect. Yet the stimulation and intoxication of
exercising control and power over another human are so tantalizing that
love can become a dangerous power struggle," Nick finished.
"Love tempts us in so many ways, "
agreed Greg, "but balance and equality are two factors which lessen
the risk of manipulation and the abuse of power. Granted, there is no
paragon for love because it is so highly subjective and infused with a
complicated mixture of feelings, but when learning and growing are
important objectives in a relationship then the result can be a productive
form of sharing."
"In some relationships, a hierarchy is
established as a means of expressing the parameters of shared love. Yet,
as with all unequal forms of interaction, balance suffers."
"In contrast, when two people allow for
the flexible expression of skill and talent, then an overall balance of
power and an equality of respect can be achieved because the role of
leader is interchangeable and easily transferred. Using this
configuration, knowledge can also be exchanged through the sharing of a
constant flow of instruction and the acceptance of information based on a
foundation of trust. Through this type of love, the energy and wisdom of
two people are combined and dramatically more beneficial."
"The issue of vulnerability can be handled
in the same way. In fact, exposing our weaknesses can actually become
energizing and therapeutic if trust and sensitivity are the guiding forces
of love. In its most workable and productive form, it's almost like a
mutual kind of protection: both people can agree, through trust, to share
their vulnerable and weak sides knowing that the other person won't
exploit that part of them; rather, they will nurture it, help give it
life, and strengthen it through that act of sharing. It's a very difficult
thing to do but a most glorious kind of interaction and communication if
both people are committed to it."
"How is this different from frail
dependency? The difference is that this type of love, this type of
sharing, is a life-affirming process. In other words, it allows both
people to benefit from the qualities that humans have which are decent and
caring. Often we are overwhelmed by the onslaught of human behavior that
is malevolent and callous to the extent that we lose faith in the ability
of humans to achieve positive actions. Subsequently, if we allow ourselves
to become immersed in negativity as our primary reaction to moral
turpitude, we surrender any hope that we might have had in love as an
efficacious part of life. However, what this type of relationship brings
us is a chance to believe in our own capacity to love and the capacity of
other humans to do the same. In this case, dependency is not an issue
because we are affirming the existence of love and the human ability to
love at a comprehensive level; we are not attempting to affirm our own
self-worth based on external recognition," Greg concluded.
"Love is unique in that it is one of our
emotions that society invariably attempts to characterize and subsequently
regulate," Matt added. "The pattern is usually fairly
straightforward: the organizing entity which acts in order to bond a
society together establishes a standard which is designated as normal
behavior. Once the norm has been sanctified by those who control power
within a group, the multitude of variations and deviations that exist are
labeled and subsequently assigned a certain level of social standing. This
process can run the gamut from glorification to ostracism and inevitably
those deemed as abnormal suffer varying forms of persecution. In the end,
our need for the expression of love can engender chaotic results as it
influences our decision-making in a wide range of societal spheres. It
seems ironic that our collective yet seemingly subjective and private
pursuit of amorous satisfaction becomes elemental in our process of
civilized interaction," Matt stated.
"Hey, Jack! Clarence! Listen to
this!" Albert yelled back to the counter as he smiled and sauntered
over to the table. "These guys are talking about 'Love'! Isn't that
sweet?! These guys can't keep a steady job, so instead they sit around my
restaurant and talk about love! How about these guys?"
Albert stood at the head of the table and
continued his ranting.
"I got a suggestion, fellas. Why don't you
go out and earn a decent day's pay?! What's all this talk of love? I can
promise you guys that you'll never get any love if you don't go out and
get yourselves a job! Now get out of here!"
|